Broadly speaking, it is a set of skills, qualities and characteristics that can be developed regardless of age. As they say:
„I am too old to be afraid of the changes that life brings us.” – Elizabeth Gilber
It is important to realize that emotions have meaning. If we “listen” to their message, we can gain valuable information about ourselves and the world around us. However, the perception and understanding of emotions pass through our personal interpretation of events What is happening and why. In this sense, it is subjective. For example, we feel anger when there is an obstacle in our path – something beyond our control. Or, due to some injustice, we may realize that our value system needs reassessment: I am responsible for my own actions; what others do is not my responsibility.
Sadness is often associated with separations. To give a new start to something, space must be cleared – in relationships, partnerships, or love – but we first go through grieving as a process. Disappointment is a degree of sadness that comes to tell us our expectations were not met; whether those expectations were realistic is another matter.
Fear warns us of danger. We often experience anxiety or unease, which can be interpreted as a call to live in the “here and now,” rather than in worries about the future or regrets about the past.
By listening to our emotions, we can read them like a book. When they pass through us – recognized and “heard” – they leave because they have fulfilled their purpose.
The Three Types of People (Mayer’s Classification)
If we categorize people based on the attention they pay to their feelings, we notice the following groups:
Self-aware: They recognize their moods before they have even passed and have a finely tuned emotional life. They are independent and confident in where their boundaries lie, enjoy good mental health, and maintain an optimistic outlook. When their mood drops, they don’t sink into misery but pull themselves out of it quickly.
Engulfed: People lost in their emotions who feel they can do nothing to escape them. Their moods are their masters. Such people do not try to get rid of a bad mood because they are convinced they have no control over their emotional lives.
Domains of Emotional Intelligence (According to Reuven Bar-On)
1. Self-Perception
Emotional Self-Awareness: Knowing who I am, what my values are, and recognizing my emotions – what triggers them and the effect they have on my thoughts, actions, and others.
Self-Regard: The ability to accept our strengths and weaknesses without judgment, but with understanding and respect. It is linked to a sense of confidence, inner strength, and accepting oneself with all imperfections.
Self-Actualization: The skill of continuous self-development and pursuing meaningful activities that enrich our lives. Professionally, this means pursuing a goal and enjoying the process while manifesting our full potential. Motivation and satisfaction come from doing what we love, using our talents, and feeling that we are contributing to a good cause.
2. Self-Expression and Interaction
Emotional Expression: The ability to express feelings constructively so as not to hurt others.
Utilizing a wide vocabulary for free verbal expression.
Assertiveness: The ability to express thoughts and beliefs clearly, standing up for our position and rights in a socially acceptable, non-destructive way that respects the right to other opinions.
Independence: Including leadership and control over one’s own actions, and a lack of emotional dependence on others. Making decisions independently and maintaining a course of action.
3. Interpersonal Relationships
The ability to build mutually beneficial relationships based on trust, cooperation, and mutual giving and receiving.
Empathy: Understanding and respecting the feelings and thoughts of others, showing concern, and validating their emotions.
Social Responsibility: Contributing to the development of society and the well-being of others.
4. Decision Making Using emotions in the best possible way to solve problems.
Reality Testing: The ability to see things as they are, rather than how we wish them to be. Setting realistic plans by considering the situation, personal strengths/weaknesses, and managing biases.
Impulse Control: The ability to resist or delay temptation. Viewing thinking as a process that precedes action. The ability to remain patient under provocation.
5. Stress Management.
Flexibility: Adjusting emotions, thoughts, and behaviors to change. Stress Tolerance: Coping with unforeseen and difficult situations involving conflicting emotions and prolonged tension. The ability to influence outcomes positively and respond effectively.
Optimism: The ability to remain positive regardless of setbacks, seeing change as something good. Believing in oneself and others, and accepting that obstacles are surmountable and part of the journey.
Happiness and Well-being serve as independent indicators of life satisfaction, joy, and enthusiasm for various activities.
The Role of Emotional Self-Leadership
Emotional self-leadership is the conscious leadership of our own life, listening to our feelings when making decisions, and acting in alignment with our goals. It means living fully in the present, learning from our mistakes, understanding different perspectives, and broadening our worldview.
The key to solidifying personal decisions is to listen to your feelings. The important one is you.
You are the important one.
Nadejda Savova