Assertivness is a skill that takes care of the individual’s rights and serves to build fruitful relationships based on mutual respect for one’s own wishes as well as those of others. It implies free communication, sharing of thoughts and ideas, aspiration to clarify the point of view of all participants, without judgment, but with understanding and acceptance.
An assertive person stands up for himself and does not allow other people to take advantage of him. Protects his interests respecting the feelings of others. Takes risks and responsibility. Realizes his own personal space and value, but also those of other people.
Assertiveness begins with the expression of what a person needs, what he wants. How can you expect others to know what you want when you don’t say it. At the same time, it is a two-way process, involving the ability to hear what the other party needs.
There is a big difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Getting the most out of your life without violating the interests of others, but also without being told what to do, has nothing to do with the selfish pursuit of one’s own interest, leading to specific results, but in the long run losing the support of others. Or in other words, winning a fight through impudence, rudeness or compulsion is short-lived, what the assertive person does is search for the intersection of everyone’s interests.
So how can we become more assertiveness?
The first step is awareness, being honest with yourself. Questions that may help are:
what is important to you;
how do you feel, are you achieving your goals;
are you locked in the comfort zone of everyday life;
do others tell you what to do;
do you get a little of what you want and a lot of what you don’t want;
are you willing to live your life to your full potential…
We need to look at the fears. What are you afraid of – rejection, this is one of the main fears that is rooted in childhood. The child agrees with everything just to receive acceptance and love from his parents. The price of acceptance is living according to foreign norms and orders, growing up and living without authorship over life, on autopilot.
But you want to live your life, take responsibility for it, even if you have to change your plans many times. Your thinking creates reality. If you think you are not smart enough or capable enough, your behavior is in line with your thoughts. As they say, if you think you can or you can’t, you’re right either way.
In a work environment, how often you say “Yes” when you want to say “No”, it comes from the fear of being disliked. If you refuse, you won’t be liked and you won’t have friends. This is the place to point out that there is nothing wrong with helping a colleague, but then when you are overwhelmed with your tasks it is good to explain that you cannot devote the necessary time to achieve the quality that is needed.
When you decide to be assertive or live your life alligned to what you want and not what they tell you, then you get the results of that and the people who stay by your side are the ones who enjoy your successes.
I’m with you on your journey, dare to be an active participant through your choices,
Nadejda Savova
Bibliography
Mind Movies